Pastor Tom Nelson in The Flourishing Pastor, a book I highly recommend, says, “Few vocations are more social in nature and people focused than the pastoral calling. The dripping irony is that surrounded by so many people, pastors are often intensely lonely and isolated,” (Nelson, chapter 1).
In my last two posts I’ve sought to emphasize the importance of pastors and ministry staff seeking others to share the weight of ministry. You can read those here (Part 1, Part 2). Today I’d like to advance our conversation and discuss how pastors, staff, and other ministry leaders build systems for doing so.
Please note how each of these are active, requiring the minister to act. As a network, we’re working to develop systems for reaching out. But no network or denomination can help if ministers do not recognize their need for connection.
Before moving on, let me quote Nelson once more to highlight the importance of my point. “The lone ranger pastor is one of the most harmful ways pastors get lost in their callings. Pastoral isolation is a toxic seedbed for burnout and scandalous behavior. The damage done to pastors, their families, congregations, and the collective witness of the church is beyond description,” (Nelson, chapter 1).
So, how do ministry leaders build systems for support and “burden sharing,”?
Seek out a friend and confidant within the church. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been told, “Pastors and church staff cannot have real friends within the church they serve.” I get it. Many have been burned, though I wonder how much this has to do with their poor choice of confidants than the statement’s validity. But it seems to me that if the church can’t be the church for the shepherds, it likely will not do much for the sheep.
As modeled in scripture, ministry leaders gain much when they serve in a spirit of mutual accountability. All staff benefit when the church and its leaders value service together in common love, mutual trust, and a commitment to lead with one heart and voice. Shepherding one another as they do the church, they not only share the work of ministry leadership, but also the burdens and blessings.
Admittedly, I know more than a few congregations where this cannot happen. Some churches maintain an almost adversarial relationship among leading members and staff, while a new church plant or small congregation might lack anyone available for the role. But, when possible, I believe we all serve best when we have a close confidant at our side.
Seek out a Barnabas. As one reads the New Testament, given the depth of his writing and his testimony in Acts, it’s easy to see that Paul was the first century church’s missionary leader. But reading the story unfold, one clearly sees that in the early days Barnabas, the encourager, was in fact the senior partner. Paul, this apostle personally selected by Christ to carry the gospel to the Gentiles, had a mentor who invested in him.
Scripture doesn’t speak to Paul’s relationship with his mentor after they parted company, but I believe all who serve in congregational ministry would be blessed to maintain contact with theirs. A long-term friend who knows you like a book, that can sense when you are “on or off” is a priceless gift. It also helps you set an example as you take the next step.
Seek out a Timothy. It’s obvious that, when ministers invest in lesser experienced colleagues, they help those individuals. Many, however, miss the blessing this returns to them. Personally, I find the coaching relationships I have with others to be among the most energizing aspects of my work. However much I seek to bless my coachees, they bless me even more, often revealing insights I have missed. Many have come along my way to share my load as I have shared theirs.
Ministry leaders who seek these relationships will discover that a few will become life-long partners, while others will extend for a season or two, and others only for a short time. Some will develop through formal relationships such as your congregation, education, or an established coach / mentoring process. Others will be less formal, like the pastors’ accountability group I enjoyed back in Shreveport. Sometimes it’s as simple as calling a colleague who you consider a godly, fruitful example of faithful service and inviting them for coffee. But even if the relationship is informal, it should be intentional.
Who should you consider for these relationships? For your in-the-church confidant, seek out someone of the same gender who, by your observation, stands out as a faithful disciple of Jesus Christ, trustworthy, with proven ability to keep confidential information private. This relationship may begin with you in a disciple-maker’s role, but should grow so that, as “lesser experienced” Paul grew to challenge the “senior disciple” Peter when he was in error (Galatians 2:11), your confidant would be free to do the same for you if necessary.
For your Barnabas, seek a seasoned, mature gospel servant whose integrity is without question, who has demonstrated a shepherd’s heart, one who will share wisdom as necessary but also listen with a coaching spirit as you ponder your life and ministry.
For your Timothy, seek out a younger or lesser experienced person seeking to follow Christ, who’s open to wisdom but who you will coach and encourage as they discern their next steps.
At all levels, seek out someone who listens more than speaks. Anyone who is contemplating their response to what you’ve said before you have finished speaking has not listened. And I find listening to be the most significant aspect of burden bearing.
Finally, and this is the subject of my next post, work toward a culture of hospitality in the church and among your colleagues from other churches. Model it. Those who give themselves to serve their fellow church members and colleagues will never lack partners to share their burdens.
We’re better together.
Blessings,
Jim